The Process

During the week, I try to write when I get home. This usually fails especially if I'm in the middle of a good book. Right now it's Filth by Irvine Welsh. Imagine Notes From the Underground except the "protagonist" has a tapeworm and you'll kind of get the idea.

I've found that I can crank out about 250 words without blinking. That equates to about a page which means at least a page a day. On the weekends I can do anywhere from 700-1200 a day depending on what else I have going on, depending on how my mind is oriented. Whether or not any of this is good we'll determine come revision time. Lazy math suggests a completed first draft by the middle of 2010.

Fiddlesticks. Maybe I'll know my plot by then.

Lately there's been an onslaught of writerliness. Jonathan Goldstein read at the University Bookstore on Monday. I met him, showed him the one magic trick I know (it involves putting a size 10 1/2 boot in my mouth) and got my copy of Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible signed. Not bad.

Then Sherman Alexie sat in on Tuesday's Weekday. He reduced me to a quivering ball of fear after saying, no repeating something he'd said earlier about not making it as writer by the time you turn forty. No pressure.

On the Wednesday ride home, listening to All Things Considered, Sarah Pekkanen spoke about the three books that helped her land a book deal. I have one of the three and I'm aware of the other two. I suppose that's a start but I'm growing tired of reading books about writing. I never finished Plot and Structure either. What I read was good and I'd recommend it to all of y'all that aspire. Books on writing only make me want to write more. At this stage of the game I think the only way for me to get better is by doing, not dreaming about doing.

I keep Lawrence Block's Telling Lies For Fun and Profit under my pillow in case I'm wrong about that.

Ana Castillo will be reading at the Seattle Public Library Thursday 4/23. Hoping to come up with a new magic trick by then. I except to break down into a puddle of blathering nothing, going on and on about how So Far From God helped me realize what I want to do with my life.

It's okay though. I'd much rather leave it on the table than in my heart.

I love you; You smell gross

I'm an early riser and every morning on my way out the door to work, I go back to the bedroom, fumble around in the darkness (or semi-darkness depending on the season) find my wife, usually buried under the comforter, and give her kiss to say goodbye.

She'll say things like, "Bye", or "I love you" or "Have a good day" in her barely awake voice. Today she said, "I love you." and as I left the bedroom she added, sounding somewhat disoriented, "You smell... gross."

It had been one of those mornings where I had trouble putting one foot in front of the other so I took it on the chin.

This is why one should strive to take their garlic supplement before brushing their teeth especially if kissing someone is on the immediate menu.

But you probably already knew that.

Progress

The significance of the 25,000 word mark didn't occur to me until I read a post on the AW forum recently. Consider the average page has 250 words, that works out to 100 pages of prose.

Let's not got too excited cause I ain't there yet.

I hit 20,000 words early last week after going on a straight out binge the weekend before. According to Ms Word 2007 I've completed 21,225 words of my epic masterwork in lyrical prose: Guy Loses Bet, Loses Hat, Loses Girl.

I was more concerned with the magical 20K number. Goals are a strange thing though. On the one hand they can serve as a constant motivator, on the other the finish line looms and I imagine a gigantic guillotine suspended above it.

Writing is hard. I'd never trust anyone that thinks it's easy and every sentence, paragraph, phrase, errant punctuation mark that I produce, the nagging feeling that it's JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH never goes away.

I want it to be good. I want it to be BRILLIANT but you just can't want the thing without sweating for it. Most days I'm content not to sweat, procrastinating until the fire is lit under me and my fingers fly at the keyboard unable to keep up with the stream of words forming in my mind.

So what works as a motivator? Striving for an unattainable perfection or tempering the attempt with the knowledge that the odds are heavily waited against attaining your goal? I have no freaking clue.

Do you?

> 1/2" holes through > 1/8" metal

No one tells you to slow a drill but you learn pretty quick
The first time it comes alive in your hands
Ignores what you want it to do
And does what it wants to do
Grabs your wrist and snaps them
In a way human wrists aren't meant to go
Maybe bends your thumb back the other way
If you were stupid and locked the trigger
(No one tells you never to lock the trigger)
It may skitter across the floor
Until you unplug it, or do something foolish like reach for the trigger
An Old Timer might be watching you,
chances are he probably saw the whole thing
Thought about coming over to say something
But you knew better and when you watched him do it
he didn't mar the paint, his holes lined up
BUT IT TOOK SO LONG
and your hands were itching, and you were dying to snatch the tool
From his hands
To show him: How it's done
And now you're holding the drill, thinking
About the way you saw him do it
Comparing it to how you just did it
And wondering how you're gonna get that broken drill bit
Out of that piece of metal

Stupid Pet Tricks

I've become one of those people. You know, the type that post videos of their cat on their blog.

This is Pedro. He is neurotic, super needy, and a total goofball. Basically, we love him to death. We purchased a new rug after he and his partner in crime totally destroyed the other one and he spent a good fifteen minutes making sure this one worked properly.

Ever Feel

Like It's Just Not Good Enough? Really? Me too!

I had the weirdest day yesterday. On the way out of the door THE BOSS asked me if I had a second which is never a good question when you're on the way out the door. The long and short of it was that it came back to the office (fourth hand) that I'd been on a job site undermining one of our products. Someone, I'm pretty sure who it is too and we shall have words if we run into each other, twisted my words to the effect of "The reason why you're having so many failures is because you bought a cheap product."

I work for a sales based company, meaning the continued health, well being and existence of the place that gives me paychecks relies on their ability to SELL STUFF. So I was floored that I found myself in THE BOSS' office defending words that I never certainly said. My biggest fear is that the people that I work with would think I'd actually say something like that... ain't that a trip. All I'm worried about is whether my coworkers think I'm a stand-up guy or not.

Now that that's off the chest I want to give a quick plug to Zee Dropbox.

Dropbox is a nifty little app that lets you store multiple files on multiple computers with ease. You install the software on as many computers that you want and it creates a folder that exists on the other computers. Whenever you drag something into the folder or update a file in the folder, magical interweb tentacles reach into your computer and immediately connect it to the other computers.

It's great say if you're working on an 80,000 word book in lyrical prose about an overweight former mob goon that continually loses his hat. You can start in the morning on one computer switch to another and end up on the same one without having to drag a flash drive around. Not that their heavy or anything but I have a hard time remembering to bring mine home consistently.

I try not to talk about this stuff here, however

This story really got my goat today.

1:06 - A new constitutional right would unfairly burden the state.

2:48 - Deputy Solicitor General Neal Katyal: The US Government thinks there is no constitutional right to make a post conviction claim of actual innocence.

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Considering the amount of Black men that have been falsely imprisoned in the Deep South and found innocent decades later, I beg to differ with the above.

There are many reasons why a person might plead guilty to something they didn't do. Fear, ignorance of the law, bad legal advice, threats to their family, or in this specific case as a condition of parole.

If the person is going to pay for the testing out of their own pocket, how does this unfairly burden the state? The only thing I can extrapolate from the two quotes above is that the state doesn't want to be burdened with finding the truth of the matter. You know, justice. They're more concerned with locking someone up and closing a case than making sure they have the right person.

They should have nothing to fear if they'd done their due diligence.